I have quickly become the office klutz. It started with a bang when I managed to knock over my chair...while I was in it. In fact, I fell forehead-first into the desk on my way down. I was sure I'd have a black eye by the next morning and was oddly disappointed when I didn't.
Today I spilled coffee all over my pants because I forgot that one shouldn't talk with one's hands while one is holding a hot beverage. I'd like to think I've learned important safety lessons from these events, but I suspect not.
Thank goodness for traveler's health insurance.
Is clumsiness classified as a preexisting condition?
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Girl, you'll be a woman soon...
One of my friends observed that all the ads on Israeli television are about one of two things: 1) something I can't remember (because it was neither important nor interesting), and 2) adult diapers.
"Adult diapers?" I questioned. "Is the Israeli population that overwhelmingly old?"
"Not old," he replied, "just female."
"Excuse me?!!!"
"Yeah, you know, every month the women need the diapers."
"EXCUSE ME?!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"......"
"Those aren't DIAPERS. DIAPERS are for people who are too young or too old to wait until they can make it to a toilet. Women who need monthly absorption usually don't fall into either of these categories."
Then we both laughed, and I taught him all of the funny English euphamisms for the things that soak up the ... stuff. Feminine hygiene products. Sanitary napkins. Because the process wasn't already strange and scary enough.
Several days later I was at another friend's house. This friend has a daughter who's on the cusp of toilet training but who would still rather remain squinting in a demi-squat while she uses her diaper than ask for a potty. The good news is that girl can just about diaper herself.
As I witnessed her standing there, arranging the diaper between her legs, I thought, "Wow, She's just about ready to be a woman."
"Adult diapers?" I questioned. "Is the Israeli population that overwhelmingly old?"
"Not old," he replied, "just female."
"Excuse me?!!!"
"Yeah, you know, every month the women need the diapers."
"EXCUSE ME?!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"......"
"Those aren't DIAPERS. DIAPERS are for people who are too young or too old to wait until they can make it to a toilet. Women who need monthly absorption usually don't fall into either of these categories."
Then we both laughed, and I taught him all of the funny English euphamisms for the things that soak up the ... stuff. Feminine hygiene products. Sanitary napkins. Because the process wasn't already strange and scary enough.
Several days later I was at another friend's house. This friend has a daughter who's on the cusp of toilet training but who would still rather remain squinting in a demi-squat while she uses her diaper than ask for a potty. The good news is that girl can just about diaper herself.
As I witnessed her standing there, arranging the diaper between her legs, I thought, "Wow, She's just about ready to be a woman."
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Happy birthday to me!
Taurus Horoscope for week of May 17, 2007
It's about time you got the chance to be knocked on your ass by a flood of positive surprises and good feelings. I hope you're trusting enough to go with the tidal flow, even if it does temporarily render you a bit woozy. Naturally you'd like to know if this giddy surrender will land you in trouble. Is there any chance that you'll have to endure some karmic adjustment at a later date because of the fun you're having now? Here's my prediction: absolutely not. If anything, your enthusiastic cooperation with the free-form dazzle will shield you from any negative repercussions.
I am so, so willing to go with the tidal flow of good feelings. Bring it!
It's about time you got the chance to be knocked on your ass by a flood of positive surprises and good feelings. I hope you're trusting enough to go with the tidal flow, even if it does temporarily render you a bit woozy. Naturally you'd like to know if this giddy surrender will land you in trouble. Is there any chance that you'll have to endure some karmic adjustment at a later date because of the fun you're having now? Here's my prediction: absolutely not. If anything, your enthusiastic cooperation with the free-form dazzle will shield you from any negative repercussions.
I am so, so willing to go with the tidal flow of good feelings. Bring it!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Eggs and escapism
I was reading this website and thinking, wow, if I could be a mom like that, a mom who's the epitome of cool, I would totally commence reproducing RIGHT NOW!
Don't worry mom. I don't think I'd be cool enough to warrant immediate donor solicitation. In fact, I even realize that I should be worrying about paying jobs before I worry about procreation. Rest assured, I do worry about paying jobs...unfortunately, that doesn't make them magically appear. Go figure.
Today was boring and tiring and demoralizing. Not necessarily in that order. I need to be better at writing diplomatic yet manipulative emails (though, come to think of it, mightn't those be synonyms?). Adopting this stylistic approach would make my life exponentially easier and probably no more unhappy.
On the upside, I hear that my grandmother not only survived the process of getting her new knee, but that she should be showing it off to the rest of the hospital ward very, very soon. I'm proud to come from such sturdy, kickass stock.
Don't worry mom. I don't think I'd be cool enough to warrant immediate donor solicitation. In fact, I even realize that I should be worrying about paying jobs before I worry about procreation. Rest assured, I do worry about paying jobs...unfortunately, that doesn't make them magically appear. Go figure.
Today was boring and tiring and demoralizing. Not necessarily in that order. I need to be better at writing diplomatic yet manipulative emails (though, come to think of it, mightn't those be synonyms?). Adopting this stylistic approach would make my life exponentially easier and probably no more unhappy.
On the upside, I hear that my grandmother not only survived the process of getting her new knee, but that she should be showing it off to the rest of the hospital ward very, very soon. I'm proud to come from such sturdy, kickass stock.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Albert Brooks was totally right!
The thing I hate about blogging is that I always think of witty lines while I'm going about my daily routine. While I'm brushing my teeth, for example, I'll be composing lines about my newfound love of C.S. Lewis (and how much this newfoundness confirms my suspicions of being a late bloomer). Clever things that are long lost by the time I actually put fingers to keyboard. In other words, blogging gives me a neat, well-edited medium for self-reflection, but it remains largely internal. So what's a self-respecting gal-blogger to do?
Why, sit and drink wine and listen to the bar's cheesy latin music until my reflections on recent events evolve into something resembling a post. Also, googleanalytics informs me that my readership has declined in recent days, and with good reason, I imagine, since there's been nothing new. Here goes.
There's something decidedly fabulous about Palestinian women. Even when I feel very pulled-together in a relaxed, comfortable, self-confidence-is-sexier-than-any-clothing kind of way, I absolutely cannot compete. They wear things that would seem absolutely ridiculous on me but that just work on them. Things like faux-fur belts with semi-matching faux-fur-and-bronze beaded necklaces. Things like tiny diamond studs affixed to an incisor (think lady-like, old riche version of a grille). Things like dark stovepipe jeans and high heels whose toe points resemble a pregnant pause. In short, exaggerated versions of trends that most women I know have long since given up as completely uncomfortable and unworkable. But these women chase after their kids in them (and they can still wear these things after having kids!). And, like Korean women, Palestinian women of a certain age simply don't do gray.
In short, they're far, far better women than I am...or could ever hope to be.
Then again, I'm wearing my knockoff vamp nail polish, and that's a sexy that works for me.
***wondering about the title. click here. ***
Why, sit and drink wine and listen to the bar's cheesy latin music until my reflections on recent events evolve into something resembling a post. Also, googleanalytics informs me that my readership has declined in recent days, and with good reason, I imagine, since there's been nothing new. Here goes.
There's something decidedly fabulous about Palestinian women. Even when I feel very pulled-together in a relaxed, comfortable, self-confidence-is-sexier-than-any-clothing kind of way, I absolutely cannot compete. They wear things that would seem absolutely ridiculous on me but that just work on them. Things like faux-fur belts with semi-matching faux-fur-and-bronze beaded necklaces. Things like tiny diamond studs affixed to an incisor (think lady-like, old riche version of a grille). Things like dark stovepipe jeans and high heels whose toe points resemble a pregnant pause. In short, exaggerated versions of trends that most women I know have long since given up as completely uncomfortable and unworkable. But these women chase after their kids in them (and they can still wear these things after having kids!). And, like Korean women, Palestinian women of a certain age simply don't do gray.
In short, they're far, far better women than I am...or could ever hope to be.
Then again, I'm wearing my knockoff vamp nail polish, and that's a sexy that works for me.
***wondering about the title. click here. ***
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
