Speaking of menstruation...

When I got back to the land of milk and honey and falafel, I realized what I'd left at home. Cotton balls. Not a big deal. Certainly they're available here.

But buying more required a trip to the store, and we all know how I love to procrastinate.

Faced with the prospect of stubborn yet chipped nail polish and no cotton, I searched for something else that would be durable and absorbent. What, I thought, would a self-respecting girl scout do in this situation?

Adult diapers.

Cut into strips, I used them for two days. Everything from nail polish remover to clinique clarifying lotion went on those strips. And it totally worked.

The adhesive backing was slightly problematic, but you should definitely try them in a pinch. Unless you're not the menstruating type. In which case, I suppose you're just SOL.

Tampons would, of course, be more logical, but I can't bear to reenact those commercials that demonstrate leakage-stopping lateral expansion.

Sleepy(less)ness and spots

On this trip I realized something very important about the way my body responds to world travel--my jet lag happens in the manner of a time-release tablet. Initially, I can't feel anything other than, of course, the residual stress from airport "security". Or, as I like to call it, "harassment". Then I keep going along, feeling a bit sleepy but fine, provided I incorporate a nap on day 2. By day 3, the tablet has fully released, and the coma kicks in.

Suddenly, I'm hit by the combined forces of narcolepsy and gravity, and my head WILL NOT come off the desk.

Unfortunately, it WILL come off the pillow every hour, on the hour, while I'm trying to sleep at night.

To make matters worse, the combination of 12-hour flights and menstruation means teenage-style spots. Let's just say I'm trying to avoid all mirrors.